Is the Joke on Me?

 

 

Zuhura Noble Speaking At a Peace March

Oakland, CA. 2002

 



  

           The silence of the morning is the time in which Spirit speaks the loudest.  I attempted to interrupt the sleep disorder that I have battled with since my son's murder, November 19, 2005.  Needless to say, I did not succeed today.  Perhaps tomorrow will be more successful.

            The end of the movie, The Family Man was at its end when I rolled over the twin size mattress in the middle of my living room floor. I fumbled around for a moment to locate the remote control.  As I adjusted the channel, Spirit spoke deep within me, "Turn to the recordings section on your DVR."  I instinctively obeyed.

            Before all of my Christian constituents begin to question why I have referred to Spirit rather than God.  I convey  that the sentiment SPIRIT that is ALL encompassing.  Therefore it is God.  I have to clarify this not only for an explanation to my readers, but to myself as well.  You see, as I reflect on the seasons of my childhood, teen and young adult life, they do not appear eloquent or ecstatic.  As a matter of fact, those years were filled with turmoil.  ONLY and omniscient, omnipresent being could have helped me thrive following the life I’d endured.

            As I scrolled down the recordings list to discover the OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) program,  I noticed The Best of the Oprah Show.  “Are You Listening to Your Life?”  The show featured Tyler Perry, among others who learned to listen to what their life was telling them about their divine purpose.  I frequently watch the network, as it provides a connection to deeper thought more than most programming these days.  Oops, did I mention that’s it’s a tad different than Basketball Wives? 

            Tyler spoke of the cathartic effect that his writing has had on millions of people.  He also spoke of the healing that took place in his life when he confronted his abuser.  Unfortunately that abuse derived from the person who planted his human seed.  He spoke of how forgiveness transformed him, allowing him to freely express his artistry. I thought to myself, “I want to experience the same transformation, but how can I do that?”  Following my son’s murder, I nearly folded into a cocoon and never emerged.  I will admit it has taken me some time to re-group.  What I had not realized is the fact that life can hit us all with curve balls that we find difficult to rebound from.

            A person can lie to themselves all they want to.  There are some things that simply blindside you like an out of control vehicle careens off a slippery road.  You are left bleeding like an animal that has been struck in the abyss of a winding road.  I thought of the many times in my life that has felt out of control.  If the truth is told, I continue to battle the vicissitudes of existing on this planet.

            I know you may be wondering what this has to do with the joke being on me, or on you for that matter.  Often I thought that my intelligence and wit would help to avoid painful circumstances.  What I’ve actually discovered was, I am not in control of ANYTHING or ANYBODY but Venus Zuhura Noble! (I was not born with the surname Noble, but like Tina Turner, I earned the name!  I worked too hard for it. ---Another post for another time)

            I thought of the cruelty of child abuse and molestation.  I thought about motherhood and the attempt to achieve an education while raising young children.  I thought of being emotionally abandoned by a man who fathered children.  I thought of the gunshot wounds that kill so many of the Black and Latino youth in our community.  Finally, I thought of being left emotionally destitute by someone that is deeply embraced.  All of which have occurred in my life.  If the joke was not on me, then who was it on? After all, hadn't I made foolish choices that caused irreparable damage

to myself and sometimes others? Hadn't that careening car hit me?

 

            As I continued to listen to the program, I pressed rewind several times to get the essence of the message.  Life is speaking to me.  That is one of the reasons that I am writing this post during the wee hours of the morning.  What is my life really trying to tell me?  The inspiration to follow the passion of becoming a successful, bestselling author is not out of my reach.  I need only to listen inwardly to grasp it.  My life didn’t end when I turned fifty, it has only just begun, but I have to listen. I urge you to listen.  What are the trials and tribulations of this life telling you?

            The lyrics of the old school tune sang by the Cascades, Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain.”  came to mind.  Certainly rain has fallen in my life, and I saw it a cruel joke that someone had played on me.  I neglected the fact that the rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike.  I have to take my life by the reigns regardless to the wild rides I have experienced.

            Allow me to encourage the hearts of people who suffer from the vestiges of depression, low self-worth, codependence, and the effects of crazy parents or poverty….Shhh….listen!  Your life is speaking to you and as it is said in urban vernacular, “It ain’t a joke” when pain strikes and knocks you sideways!  It can feel as though all hope is gone, and you will not survive the storm. But you will not only survive, you will learn to thrive and be at peace if you know that there is a greater purpose for your pain.  Hush!  Listen!

            Take courage people.  Listen to Zuhura speak!  There is always another side to through.  Life can make each of us feel as though some cruel and unpleasant prank has been played on us.  Let me encourage you to do what I know for sure will work!  Look the issues you have in the face!  Stop looking outside of yourself for definition and nurture.  Stop pointing your finger at others, making someone else responsible for how you feel and behave. ONLY you and that all-encompassing Spirit will pick you up when you fall down!

            This is in no way to suggest that we do not need the helping hand of others from time to time.  We are communal beings and emotional support is as life sustaining as blood is to the body.  However, we must be quiet and go within to find the core issues that have affected our behaviors.  No one wants to look within, as it is too painful at times. But try it, and listen as you sort through emotional rubble.

            I beseech you, dig deep.  Listen for any hollowness in your spirits.  Certainly there are some of us who were born to alcoholics, abusers, hustlers etc.  Some were not.  Many people simply did not get the love and affirmation that they needed, stunting their growth and internal locus of control.  The majority of our society has issues that are hard to face.  I know that I do!  Don’t let the joke be on you!  Face it. Erase it. Grow from here!   Now, that ain’t no joke!

~Eternally Yours,

Zuhura