Permission

It is in the wee hours of the morning in which revelation comes to me about all sorts of things.

As I take in the stillness of the hour, I listen to my heart, my mind and sometimes the ego.  We have heard it said by the master teachers, ego represents Edging God Out.   This notion has got my cogs circulating.  How do I preserve my self-awareness while helping others feel safe and welcomed around me?

Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I am a straight shooter.  If you don’t want to hear my interpretation of the truth, don’t ask me. I will admit that sometimes I edge God out when I “keep it real” Do I rove the earth attempting to hurt people?  No, of course not!

I feel bad if I hurt someone’s feelings.  The problem is most people who are offended by something I have said to them do not have the wherewithal to voice that their feelings are hurt by my often candid method of communication. The result of such is usually one or two things: 1. I may be correct in my assessment about their issues 2.  I don’t always find  the results of their conveyance of feelings favorable.  Often human beings come across as angry when fear and hurt are the actual culprits.

What is problematic is that most people are unaware of our own triggers.  We are not always able to admit fear or pain.  I fondly consider Iyanla Vanzant halting people mid conversation, “Say you do or don’t something or the other.  Don’t say we or they. Own it!” Okay Ms. Iyanla, “I” don’t admit it.  Being clinically trained, allows me to see beyond the surface of words and actions. It’s when the ego needs to be correct that “I” mess up.  When I mess up, I feel bad.  Feeling bad is then accompanied by feeling guilty for something I may have said or what was perceived incorrectly.  If I am not careful, guilt’s cousin shame comes on the scene. Shame tells my ego that I am inherently flawed and there is something wrong with me.

If any of you are like me, you have had the same experiences. It is problematic when issues surface and a person personalizes something that is not about them at all.  I realize that taking responsibility for my actions gives me the permission to be human coupled with the fact that guilt is a wasted emotion.

What is the resolve between being forthright and being rude?  I often feel confused by the perception that younger adults have about “being grown” What does that mean exactly?  Does it connote that one should be able to do and say anything that they please with no regard for another?  That sounds more like a rebellious teen than an adult to me.

I am from the old school, but I don’t believe in beating kids with belts and cursing at them etc.  I do believe in firmness and loving guidance.  I believe that we have given this generation permission to be ungrateful and entitled.  The respect that we had for elders back in the day is nearly nonexistent 

When I was a youngster, instruction was revered.  I was recently told that a group of young people that I work with would tell me, “You are not my mother.”  Why state something that is obvious?  I know that. My children are 31, 28 (Rest with the Lord my baby boy) and 26.  Where is the line drawn between insolence and respect for wisdom?

I do not expect, nor will I ever tolerate someone young enough to be my child to be disrespectful in my presence without challenge. Often young people have unruly behavior and don’t want anyone to check them about it.  Sometimes that has included me.  I have found that I have had to reel myself in when an elder has spoken to me.  The point is they are still an elder.

Today I realize that I must give myself permission to repent for being haughty at times. Let’s face it; the ego needs to be right.  I am among the opinionated of the world.  I do thank God that I am not above repentance if I stray from the narrow path of respect and nobility.

I give myself permission to be exactly who I am without disregarding others.  I give myself permission to speak my peace, and people have permission not to listen.  But don’t let “being grown” be the reason.  Allow your humanity and the right to be heard and loved be the reason.

I praise God for humility.  I ask that I am able to consider that the heart space closes with harshness and opens with love. Often finding balance in permission can be daunting.  But thank God that he looks at the heart and not perceptions.  If he did not, I’d be in a world of trouble.

Stay Strong and give yourself permission to make a mistake and rebound from it.

~Zuhura